His behavior is excruciating cruel and there is no excuse for it. I am deeply concerned for your wellbeing. His abuse is very upsetting and traumatic. Abusive partners are skilled manipulators who often go out of their way to have power over their partner. Regardless of what he says or tries to make you think, his abuse is never your fault or something you caused. It is human nature to hope for positive change in those we love and abusive partners use this to further manipulate their partner with false promises of change.
Changing abusive behavior is possible and we have an article on it at this link however the vast majority of abusive partners never change. Many of them promise change as a way to keep their partners in the relationship. Suicide threats are another form of emotional abuse to control their partner. The hard truth is there is nothing you can do to make him change. That is entirely up to him. What you can do is control how you move forward and what you do. You have a right to make yourself a priority and to do what you need to be safe.
Drugs and Parenting Don’t Mix
If you would like to talk about your situation with an advocate, we are always reachable. Over a period of 8 years I wondered every night when I went to sleep if he was going to be a lie the next. This affects the whole family , in many ways. People this does happen to me n and I have searched and research there is nothing out there for men. I wish and pray someone one day someone will do something about this. I also saw red flags prior to marriage. The day I was to marry him, pregnant with my 5th child, I locked myself in the bathroom and begged him to leave me alone.
I told him I never wanted to marry him and be under his control more than I already was. He did his usual begging telling me how sorry he was and to please just come out. I seem to always break down and tell myself to give him a chance, we all make mistakes and need to work on a relationship. I tell him how My dream vacation is Africa and going gorilla trekking and hot air ballooning over the serenghetti and he just laughs…. I get excited watching the Bulls and he laughs at me! Yesterday, my older son needed my help to jump start his car…. I forgot to mention, I graduated school and went on to a vocational school prior to children.
He dropped out of school! Iike maybe them taking the bus. I have applied to many jobs and received phone calls for interviews…. They like you being home for them. So the process begins again….. We will get thru these Times he claims. He has called our children names. He has called our daughter a fucking cunt, fucking bitch, just like your fucking mother is! Our youngest son has cried to me saying he wishes Dad was dead.
I feel so hopeless here. I beg him to be a parent to our children! I pray everyday for things to change and I know it will never change as long as I stay dependent on him. I need a plan…help following thru….
I am a battered husband. She knows it. In every fight we do we shouted in each other I always ended up with wounds and concussion somewhere on my body. I want her to report to the authority. But I dont know what to do.
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I dont have a family here. I am on a 2 year conditional greencard. This time of writing February 12, am I have concussion on my right forearm coz she hit me with her phone and some abrasion on my biceps noticeable caused by fingernails.
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And the fourth time she threatened to kill me. I dont know what to do anymore.
Last time somewhere in September I do run on her parents to show the wounds Ive got and concussion on my head because she hit me with her phone on my head and a lot of abrasions. I dont know if I can still live with her or start a new life here without her. She is becoming antisocial and I noticed sometimes manic and depressed. I dont know what to do. I dont want her to go to jail cause she have a son. Hi Angela, We are unable to approve your comment per our community guidelines, which can be found here.
Thank you for being a part of our blog community.
Thank you for sharing some of your experience with our community. Abuse is never justified, and I am glad that you were able to leave that unsafe situation. You are a good person, and you deserve to feel safe and respected in any relationship that you are in. Thank you for reaching out and sharing how DV has affected you and your family.
At the Hotline, we know that abuse can affect anyone — regardless of gender. Through our work, we aim to emphasize that all victims deserve to have resources and support available to them. If you get a chance, you can also read more about this specific topic in another post from our blog here. Does it not work on an iPhone? I need some support to keep me from going back.
Thank you for reaching out to our blog community. There is nothing you could ever do to deserve any abuse and you have a right to be safe. Pregnancy can be one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship which makes your emotional and physical safety a priority. I want to let you know about our posts on safe pregnancy at this link.
Every abusive situation is different and there is no set way to navigate an abusive situation. Thank you so much for sharing your story of strength with us. What you have had to survive is unacceptable and something you never deserve. For him to choke you is terrifying, that is a potentially lethal behavior.
You have a right to a fulfilling life free of abuse. You should be able to count on those in your community for support. If you would like to reach out to an advocate to help you plan being safe, we are always here. It is incredibly to have someone do this to you. There is nothing you could ever do to deserve his abuse.
What you have described is emotionally and physical abuse. For him to involve in his mother is very cruel. There are resources our there for survivors of support who want to ask questions about custody and other legal processes. An advocate would be able to connect you with resources in your community. The fact the police responded to you in that way is very frustrating and it is crushing.
You should be able to trust the police to keep you safe, not have them try to criminalize you needing support. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story.
What It's Like Inside a Depressed Person's Head
Abusive partners are skilled manipulators who often use the fact that it is human nature to hope for change in those they care about. False promises of change and remorse are often use to keep survivors of abuse in the relations and make it a confusing situation to navigate. It is important to note that the abuse is not your fault or something you change.
The fact that he is still choosing to be abusive is not your fault and something he is only to blame for. It is his choice and he is the one that is making this relationship abusive regardless of anything he says or tries to make you think. If you would like to reach out to an advocate to talk about your situation and explore your options, we are always here. Thank you for reaching out. You are completely right that abuse affects people of all genders including.
You have a right to be safe and to be able to have a life free of abuse. There are legal protections for immigrants who are survivors of abuse that can help you. Also, there are legal advocate and resources to help you decide how to move forward. If you would like to talk to an advocate and be connected to your local resources, we are always here. Stay strong, you did the right thing.